13 Tips for Dating with Depression

Dating presents a challenge when one is depressed and has difficulty feeling or expressing joy. About 18 million Americans suffer from depression, with another 20 million worldwide using dating sites on the web each month according to On Line Dating Magazine. In fact at least 20 per cent of American women and 10 per cent of men experience major depression sometime in their lives. Therefore the question on looking for relationship during the mild to moderate depression episode is quite a common situation in the modern world.

Regarding depressed people and dating, Helen Friedman, PhD, a clinical psychologist in private practice in St. Louis says, “Sometimes when you don’t feel like smiling, but are in a situation where you’re expected to be happy, that can make you feel even worse.”

Meeting a new person, however, can also be a source of great joy.

Following these ten tips might make the prospect of dating a little easier for depressed individuals:

Remember, you can be happy!

It is important to remember that everyone has something in their past that they are less than proud about, and depression is nothing to feel ashamed of. Everyone has something in their past that can be cast in a negative light, as none of us are perfect. Try to remember that your depression does not define who you are. If you have suffered from depression and have overcome it, you are likely a stronger and more compassionate person because of your experiences. If you are still struggling with depression, anyone worth being with will accept your illness along with all the positives you offer them.

Depression is a serious illness but it's a treatable one, and it doesn't mean that all your potentially great relationships are doomed. "It is absolutely possible for two people to have a relationship when one of them lives with depression," says Heather Cobb, spokesperson for the National Mental Health Association (NMHA). "Most people who seek treatment do get better."

Consider professional help

If a person is not already receiving treatment for his/her depression, getting professional help is advised. When depressed, dating might potentially magnify some symptoms, such as fatigue, irritability, low self-esteem and decreased libido. According to Mental Health America, 80% of those who seek treatment get relief; therapy and medications are successful in most cases.

Time it right

Despite the urging of family and friends, if a depressed individual does not feel up to dating, it is best to postpone. Taking care of oneself is priority in order to care of someone else in a relationship. Maintain positive thoughts, consistently take medications and attend therapy sessions, keep company with others who are supportive and upbeat in order to be at your best when dating opportunities occur.

Don’t tell on first date

It is not necessary to bare your soul, or your depression on a first date. Before confiding in another, ensure that person is someone who is going to be a constant in your life; someone for whom you genuinely care about and with whom you wish to have a prolonged relationship.

When Should I Tell?

The time to tell someone about your depression is either when your condition gets in the way of the relationship or the partnership starts to become serious. So, if you get knocked on your ass by depression and have to cancel a Friday night date, tell him or her what's going on. But do it in person, not via email or over the phone, as this lets them know that you are serious about the relationship. Equally, if you are shacking up or getting married, best to come clean about the depression, even if you haven't experienced any bouts since you started dating, as there may be times when your partner will need to stand by and support you, and they have a right to know what they are signing up for.

How to talk about it

When you are ready to reveal your medical condition, avoid blurting it out. Preface your conversation with comments about having something important to discuss and you are doing so only because the person in whom you are confiding is important to you. Share that you have been diagnosed and are receiving treatment. Conclude by reiterating how important this person is to you and that you are telling about your depression, in order to be completely honest and forthright.

Accept assistance

It is important to let your partner know how he/she can help you, according to Sheela Raja, PhD, clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago. For example, if daily exercise is part of your treatment regimen, invite your partner to join you taking walks or working out. Consider couples counseling so that your significant other might learn other ways to be helpful.

Be patient

Dating when depressed might not fit the stereotype of men taking the initiative and women being joyful at being catered to by another. A male partner might not always feel up to making plans and a female might not always be smiling and upbeat in response to her partner’s catering. With raised awareness, these deviations to normal expectations can be coped with more easily.

Low libido

It is common for depressed persons to lose interest in sex. Sometimes medications keep the disposition in balance, but decrease the libido. Talk to your doctor about alternative medications, if this is the case. In any event, it is possible to display affection in other ways when the mood is not right due to depression issues.

Do not take personally

If someone backs off after you reveal this, DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. We fear what we don’t know. Some people just do not have any experience with these situations or don’t understand. The stigma attached to these conditions is diminishing because it is more and more common in the modern society, and people are feeling more comfortable discussing these topics and revealing their own battles.

Don’t repeat mistakes

If you made the mistake of investing time with someone who made you feel bad, or worse yet, rejected you, talk it over with a therapist and move on. With practice, you will be able to recognize the signs and discern early on the level of maturity and compassion in prospective dates.

On line dating

Many individuals nowadays indulge in internet dating. There are special sites especially geared to those with depression or other mental and physical issues, such as nolongerlonely.com. It is not necessary to limit one’s exposure to such as this site, however, as mainstream dating sites might also be effective ways to meet suitable dating prospects.

Acceptance

Most importantly, if you want to be accepted by others, accept yourself. All people have baggage of one type or another; weight issues, acne or a difficult past can be as challenging as suffering from depression. When the right person comes along, depression will not be a deal breaker.

In conclusion, do not allow the fact that you are battling with depression to preclude a satisfactory dating life. Use these thirteen tips as a guide for lessening the challenges and increasing the joy of dating.

Source and Additional Information:

http://www.helium.com/items/2093882-dating-with-depression-10-tips

http://click.lavalife.com/dating/feature/article/Dating-With-Depression/rHSA/568986/p1

http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2010/12/09/how-do-i-tell-people-that-i-take-meds/

http://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/3_Tips_for_Dating_with_Depression_a1628.html

http://datingwithdepression.com/

May Clinical Depression Be Contagious?

A man is walking a very long road from one village to another. At the outskirts of the new village he encountered a farmer laboring in his field, cutting hay. He said to the farmer, “I have walked a great distance to come to this village of yours. I have left my village looking for a new home, perhaps I will find it here. Tell me, how are the people in this village? What kind of people are they?” The man in the field thought a moment, then asked, “What were the people like in the village you came from?” The traveler replied, “They were uncaring, self-absorbed, cynical, and unfriendly. That’s why I left.” The farmer paused before replying and then said, “I think that’s how you’ll find the people here, too.” The traveler replied, “In that case, I’ll just move on and look somewhere else.” A couple of days later, the farmer was again out in his field when another man approached him and said, “My village was destroyed and the people scattered. I am looking to find myself a new home, perhaps in this village. Can you tell me, how are the people in this village? What kind of people are they?” The farmer asked, “What were the people like in your village?” The traveler replied, “They were wonderful people. Loving, close, helpful, and I will miss them terribly.” The farmer said, “I think that’s how you’ll find the people here, too.”

How many of you out there have ever wondered if depression is in fact contagious? The reactions so many of us get when we tell loved ones of our condition would lead us to believe that they fear catching depression, like one would catch a cold or chicken pox. Their denial, fear, misunderstanding, or abandonment of us is a strong testament to this contagen theory. However, science tells us that depression is a result of physical changes occurring in the brain, which leads to chemical imbalances, hence the depression.

Both fact and fiction aside, there can be no worse experience for the depressed person than to see someone they love act so negatively. This kind of reaction can make a depressed person feel even more isolated and hopeless then before. To have those people who we trust so deeply reject us; can there be no greater setback for us?

Instead, what we need from our loved ones is their support, understanding and willingness to help see us through the depression, especially the initial period following diagnosis. To ensure our loved ones' support, we must educate ourselves as to what depression is beyond the complex feelings that we experience. By doing this, we can better convey to our loved ones what depression is, how common it is, and especially how treatable it is. Instead, if we choose to be unprepared and uneducated, the chances are far greater that those around us will react unfavorably towards us, leaving us to feel all sorts of negative things about ourselves because we could not get from them what we need most…understanding.

Some studies show that if one spouse is depressed, the other can become depressed, and that up to 40 percent of people whose spouses have bipolar disorder get clinical depression. That's according to Dr. Igor Galynker, director of the Family Center for Bipolar Disorder at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York and professor of clinical psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. "We can mimic other people's facial expressions," Galynker said. "When we mimic other people's facial expressions, we also can adopt the mood that these people are in. It affects us, even on a superficial level." But such mimicry can go beyond the superficial and become emotional. Studies in which monitors track brain activity while a subject is shown smiling or frowning faces show that the areas associated with happy or sad emotions are active when the subject is presented with the corresponding face.  This ability to tune in to other people's feelings, or empathize, can be useful, but it can also get a person in trouble if they are around someone who has depression.

"If a genetic predisposition exists, and a person is surrounded by people with a behavior, that may give rise to or create an environment that would fertilize that behavior," said Steven Lappen, a writer and frequent public speaker who has bipolar disorder. Also, it is important to note that depression has a hereditary factor associated with it. In such a situation, it is possible that one or both parents may have depression. That fact is possibly increasing the chances that their offspring will develop this condition. If the parental depression is present but has never been diagnosed, their negative reaction toward their child could be even greater.

In addition, the fear of receiving a negative reaction can compel some of us not to seek help. The idea of family or friends becoming aware of our condition can have a debilitating affect on us. This fear can prevent us from seeking the necessary confirmation of the condition and seeking professional help. This avoidance of diagnosis and treatment is far more serious than any negative reaction that may come from our loved ones.

To deal with all situations, we must remind ourselves that our physical and emotional well being is paramount. We must convince ourselves that seeking professional help is more important than what others think. That treatment for depression can allow us an opportunity to regain a positive outlook on life. To deny us of this opportunity is to deny ourselves the freedom and dignity that each and every one of us prizes above all else. To lock ourselves within a world of internal depression by hiding behind doors, never going out, and never speaking to others is the greatest harm we can do to ourselves.

The choice is ours and ours alone to make. We can worry about what others think or how they will act or we can concern ourselves with our needs and seek out the professional help that we so desperately need. It is up to us to do the right thing before it's too late. By seeking professional guidance and educating ourselves about depression, we can show those we love that depression is NOT contagious.

One of the well-researched forms of psychotherapy called interpersonal therapy (IPT) emphasizes the importance of having positive and healthy relationships and provides skill-building strategies for developing them. There is good evidence that when people improve their relationship skills, their depression improves. When people feel better about themselves, they get better feedback from the world around them. They feel empowered instead of victimized, and they finally feel like they are a part of something more compelling than themselves and their depression.

There are times when people need an intervention in their lives to move in a healthy direction. You may have tried many times to cheer someone up, but to no avail. Your guilt will not help your loved one. It actually can hurt because it can prevent both of you from seeing what is really wrong. Once someone knows they are depressed, they can do something about it.

Here’s what you can do:   

1. Provide empathy. People who are depressed often feel they are crazy and life’s situations are hopeless. Share your own experiences with depression. Everyone who breathes has suffered through some depression at various times in their lives.


2. Provide encouragement. As hopeless as it seems in the moment, depression can go away in a short period of time given the right recovery tools. It may take longer to get to the deeper sources of depression, but along the way a helpful therapist can give you tools to enable you to pull yourself up from despair much quicker – and believe that it can happen. For instance, people who suffer from depression and have experienced some type of weight problems will benefit from going beyond treating the surface depression and looking toward what is underneath. Often past loss, trauma, extremely high expectations and other issues extend much deeper.


3. Show you continue to care. Send notes, cards or e-mail. Invite your loved one to activities. Keep your expectations low.


4. Do not assume responsibility for their depression. While you definitely want to show you care, you cannot change another person. That person has to do that. You can throw life lines. You can’t make them accept. That means if another person is raging out at you, don’t accept it. Their depression does not give them an excuse to hurt you. State that in clear terms. Otherwise, you accept responsibility and the depressed person becomes even less empowered. Be careful that you do not become isolated because that person doesn't want to do anything. Make sure you get out and circulate with a support system of your own because you may have temporarily lost support from a person very important to you.


5. Accept that you cannot do it alone. Many times it will take a professional’s assistance. See a licensed mental health counselor. This not only gives you a second opinion, it also spreads some of the assessment and caring around. The counselor has been trained to move people out of depression. You may have been trained to be a caretaker. Those things do not always mesh. Sometimes it takes letting go and moving out of someone’s way to support a loved one. The therapist may even want your loved one to consult with a psychiatrist. Sometimes medications are needed for a short-time or long term, due to changes in the body's chemistry. If their body chemistry is at odds with a person, they may need the boost medication can give before therapy is effective – no matter what their best intentions are. It is important your professional contacts spend time and listen to you. If a medicine isn’t working, tell them. As a concerned relative or friend, ask that your friend sign a release of information which allows the mental health professional to talk with you if you call. Even if you do not have that, you can call or write a message stating your concerns and specific symptoms you see. People often will not fully disclose or even be aware of their behaviors. An upset voice to one person may be a complete rageaholic to those around him. Family members may disclose their worry about someone staying in bed all the time. That same person may simply tell the doctor they sleep ok. Family members can provide vital information and often are important in therapy sessions, too.


6. It may take an intervention for a change to occur. These provide a loving, yet firm reminder that your loved one’s depression affects you and your relationship. In interventions, you ask them to listen, then talk about specific incidents and how it affected you. Share that you love and care about them, but that you will not be a part of their depression. You want them to seek professional help. Offer to go with the person the first time. It may ease their anxiety. However, make it clear you will not sit through the entire first session with a therapist, and thereafter will participate as invited by the patient-therapist team.


7. Recognize that healing may include changes you are not too comfortable with. For instance, a very compliant person who hid all her feelings may become more assertive. That can be an adjustment for family or friends.


8. Do not become totally absorbed. It is crucial you take care of yourself, get out with friends. Otherwise, you may also become severely depressed. If you are worried about leaving a loved one alone, definitely seek professional help. You need a trained outsider to help you through these times and ease your fears.


9. If someone you love or care about expresses thoughts of suicide or violence to others, seek help immediately.

Sources and Additional Information:

http://www.healingwell.com/library/depression/aitken2.asp

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100256871

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/story?id=4539059&page=1

http://www.forgetaboutdiets.com/depression/DepressionCanBeContagious.htm

Lifestyle changes to help you deal with depression

If you are affected by depression, you are not “just” sad or upset; you have a condition that involves intense feelings of persistent sadness, helplessness and hopelessness, together with physical problems such as sleeplessness, loss of energy, and physical aches and pains.

Depression is an illness and you need support to help fight it. Treatments can involve a variety of different approaches including antidepressants and psychological therapies. But there are also many self-help techniques you can use to complement professional treatment.

Options include attending a self-help group, making changes to your diet, improving your sleep habits and learning relaxation techniques. Research on acupuncture, herbal medicines (including St. John’s Wort), and aromatherapy suggests that these treatments can help to reduce anxiety and to alleviate mild depression.

Don’t expect too much of yourself, as depression makes it difficult to do what you need to feel better, but you do have some control. Make small changes, persist with them, and you will begin to notice a benefit.

Depression Lifestyle Tips

Of course, it’s not that easy. Even small changes may seem impossible, so it’s crucial not to pressure yourself to take action. Imagine yourself completing a few small goals to start with. Consider the resources available to you: friends, loved ones, doctors, information, support from an employer, health facilities, outdoors areas to relax in. Gathering information can help reduce the misconceptions, guilt and fear which are often associated with depression. Look out for books and websites on depression.

Ideas for action include taking a short walk, calling a trusted friend, sending a few emails. If you feel up to it, think about communicating with other people in a similar situation. Sharing experiences within supportive relationships can help alleviate your depression and provide new coping strategies. It can be hard to maintain perspective on your own so, although it can be a challenge, it is worth breaking out of the isolation and reaching out for help.

Once they know how you are feeling, trusted friends and family members will want to help you through this tough time. If you’ve had some bad news or a major upset, tell someone how you feel. You may need to talk (and maybe cry) about it more than once, but a good friend will understand.

Make plans to have lunch or coffee with a friend and explain the situation. You could ask them to check in with you regularly, and set regular events for the two of you such as going to the movies, a concert, a museum, to dinner, or to a small gathering.

Depression can increase your tension, stress and anxiety, so relaxation is an important element of recovery. There are many ways to relax - yoga, reading, listening to a relaxation tape, or getting away for a short holiday. On the other hand, some people unwind best through a more physical activity. Perhaps there is a form of gentle exercise that appeals to you and will make you feel more positive. Taking a walk in the sunshine provides exercise, fresh air, vitamin D, and removes you from your comfort zone if you tend to stay at home.

Dietary changes are a sensible idea to support your recovery from depression. Often people find that their appetite decreases or increases significantly, so try to make sure that you eat regular, appropriate amounts of food, ideally including fresh fruit and vegetables. Certain nutrients, like Omega 3 (found in oily fish, flax/linseed and olive oil) are thought to be especially beneficial. If you’re really struggling to eat well, invest in vitamin or fish oil supplements.

Aim to maintain any hobbies or interests you normally have, if only just a few minutes each day. Routine is essential. These activities will help you to feel better, despite being more difficult and perhaps not giving you the pleasure they usually would. If your interests involve being sociable, try to fight the urge to retreat into your shell. Being around other people will give you a lift.

Make time for things you enjoy, while limiting your working pressures and commitments as far as possible. This may open up an opportunity to begin expressing yourself creatively through a new medium: music, art, or writing. Inspiration could come from spending some time in nature or revisiting favorite books or films to get back in touch with your happier self. Look back over journals or photos to get a fresh viewpoint on your current feelings—you may gain strength from recalling your achievements and obstacles you have previously overcome.

Relaxation techniques are worth investigating. Try deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation. Identify what is adding to your stress load (work? unsupportive relationships? substance abuse? health problems?). See if any of these can be reduced or eliminated.

Depression Lifestyle Tips

Most of all, go easy on yourself and don’t set impossibly high standards. Recognize this tendency if you have it, and step back. Challenge your negative thinking by treating yourself as you would a good friend. Sometimes the thought patterns in depression can make you feel helpless, but it is a disease that can be treated. Take gradual steps day by day and be proud of yourself for doing so.

Source: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/lifestyle-tips-for-dealing-with-depression/